For the month of January, I’m participating in Bloganuary, a daily blogging challenge.
Today’s prompt:
Write about the last time you left your comfort zone.
It may sound cliché, but it was yesterday evening. And all I did was try to meditate.
I hate to admit it, but the seemingly simple act of sitting with myself, intentionally attempting to remain undistracted by anything external, is excruciatingly hard for me. I hate it. So, it makes sense that I’ve got a strong habit formed to do everything in my power to avoid doing it. But I also know that growth only happens when I try things that are unfamiliar.
The past couple weeks have been really hard. I realized on Christmas Day that I wished I could have been spending the holiday with them, but it was too late to make those plans. Traveling last-minute up to Canada during yet another surge in the pandemic would be a headache and stressful. Although I was invited to spend Christmas with a dear friend and her family, it wasn’t the same, and loneliness gripped me.
That loneliness has yet to let go of its hold. And it sucks.
My comfort zone has been sitting on that couch, scrolling mindlessly through social media, with whatever’s on TV. So, sitting still for those drawn-out 18 minutes of a guided meditation last night, deliberately being alone in my loneliness, was the most uncomfortable I’ve felt in a long, long time.
And, yeah, I’m going to try to do it again today. Because if I get comfortable with being alone, with being with me, I know that I’ll be happier in the long run. But, holy shit! It’s hard.
My Memory List 
I once faked meditation for a therapist – he was so convinced that was what I needed to relax and he kept at me to at least try, so I let him guide me through the breathing exercises and I lay back in the beanbag and closed my eyes and stayed that way through his gentle whispers and the soothing music and… thought about what might be on the lunch menu at my favourite pub today, and mentally reviewed the last episode of ‘Justified’. When he finally stopped with the “relaxing” sounds I opened my eyes and he seemed so chuffed that he’d managed to help me achieve calm that I didn’t have the heat to tell him I was just as hyped as before, except now I was also craving baked cauliflower and a glass of merlot.
I’ve come to realise how different meditation 🧘♂️ is for everyone, and that it’s no use trying to use prescribed methods to chill and find peace. Mine comes from losing myself in mosaics and creating something I love. My sister rides her bike up into the hills and watches a sunset. My friend swims endless laps of a pool and can lose hours doing it. Whatever works for your soul is your meditation.
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