Taking a bath with a lit candle and music.

It’s been a tough week. It’s getting better, but, wow, the weight of this pandemic has been feeling heavier lately. I’ve been lonelier. I’m apparently on the verge of tears at all times. It’s more than just being sad. It’s deeper than that, but I hesitate to call it depression.

This pandemic has robbed me of enjoying touch, my primary love language. Hugs bring me to life, and even though I can still risk contracting or passing on COVID by fully embracing such an embrace, the threat of sickness deflates the moment for me. The hug or touch feels incomplete, and it doesn’t fulfill me with what I’m looking for.

Science validates my struggle, explained in this article. I’m frustrated that I can’t get what I want right now. I know I need to be patient, especially since the finish line appears to be within sight. But maybe, just maybe, I can find other ways to fill myself up.

Often during this pandemic, I look to my Memory List, viewing it as my North Star to keep me oriented in the direction I want to go. I read through each desired memory, looking for something that might satisfy my craving for touch. Taking a bath was the winner.

A couple weeks ago, I bought some bubble bath, spiked with some soothing essential oils, as a preparatory step in achieving this memory. I was relieved to have thought ahead, because honestly, I haven’t had enough oomph required to go out shopping for it lately.

I streamed some Mozart to my bluetooth speaker, lit a couple candles, and drew a nice, hot bath. The eucalyptus and spearmint aromatherapy was calming and restorative, as promised on the label. The essential oils in the soap made my skin feel silky smooth. The music washed over me, just as fully as the bubbles. I worked hard to fully immerse myself in the experience.

I wish I had a more comfortable bathtub, and that the water stayed warmer longer. But that’s me being nitpicky. Overall, this was a wonderful way to spend part of my evening. It’s a nice, relaxing memory to have. I’m not convinced that it fulfilled my deep need for touch, but it was at least a step in the right direction. Perhaps I’ll take a few more steps down this path, and see where it leads.