This item on my Memory List is one that I added after being nudged to do so by a friend. For the vast majority of time since I left my marriage last June, dating had been the farthest thing from my mind. I was comfortable staying in my own little bubble, and leaning heavily on the fact that I was taking the necessary time for myself to get to know myself better. I convinced myself I wasn’t ready to get back out there.
To be honest, I felt quite cynical about relationships. I worked hard at my marriage, but it wasn’t enough. I was terrified of falling right back into my destructive patterns, subconsciously or not, and being right back in a position I didn’t want to be in.
When my therapist asked me if I was ready to start dating, I shared these concerns. I shared these fears. And we talked it all through. I discovered a major blocker that was preventing me from feeling ready, and took some time to break that down. About a month ago, I finally felt intrigued enough to join a dating app.
I was prepared to take things slow. In this case, I felt being in a global pandemic helped, because I felt less pressure to go on a date right away. I planned to message with anyone I matched with for a good amount of time.
I had no expectations. Actually, that’s not true. I had low expectations. I never imagined that I would join a dating app. I was super skeptical. My curiosity is what kept me moving forward.
Somewhat late to the party, I finally became familiar with directional swipes. I quickly learned what I was, and more importantly, what I was not looking for:
- she needed an actual written profile that told me more about her
- she couldn’t have any of her photos draped with a filter that made her sparkle or have butterflies floating around her
- if she demanded that her potential mate “have her shit together”, I walked away (we’re all works in progress!)
- if she was happily married, but bicurious and looking to play, it was a quick left swipe
- if none of her photos showed her face, or if all of her photos were of the same duck-lipped pose, it was a big NOPE from me
The main thing I absolutely love about a dating app, is that it’s extremely helpful in introducing me to women who want to be with women. Finding those females in person has always proven to be a challenge for me. So, for that, I’m grateful.
I started some small talk, which progressed to stress-free chatting. It was actually really nice. Going on a first date was something that I looked forward to. I can happily report, it’s now a memory I made.
And, no, if you’re wondering. I’m not about to kiss and tell. It’s a pandemic, folks. There was no kissing! 😉
One thought on “Going on a first date.”
Yay! Congrats!!! I met a guy on Hinge a few weeks ago, we went out on Valentine’s Day, I ended up getting stuck at his house for four days because of really bad weather down here in Texas (plus the power outages), and now we’re daiting hehe. Hope things going well with y’all in the future! First dates may be scary but they’re so special too, right? ❤
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