Going on a first date.

This item on my Memory List is one that I added after being nudged to do so by a friend. For the vast majority of time since I left my marriage last June, dating had been the farthest thing from my mind. I was comfortable staying in my own little bubble, and leaning heavily on the fact that I was taking the necessary time for myself to get to know myself better. I convinced myself I wasn’t ready to get back out there.

To be honest, I felt quite cynical about relationships. I worked hard at my marriage, but it wasn’t enough. I was terrified of falling right back into my destructive patterns, subconsciously or not, and being right back in a position I didn’t want to be in.

When my therapist asked me if I was ready to start dating, I shared these concerns. I shared these fears. And we talked it all through. I discovered a major blocker that was preventing me from feeling ready, and took some time to break that down. About a month ago, I finally felt intrigued enough to join a dating app.

I was prepared to take things slow. In this case, I felt being in a global pandemic helped, because I felt less pressure to go on a date right away. I planned to message with anyone I matched with for a good amount of time.

I had no expectations. Actually, that’s not true. I had low expectations. I never imagined that I would join a dating app. I was super skeptical. My curiosity is what kept me moving forward.

Somewhat late to the party, I finally became familiar with directional swipes. I quickly learned what I was, and more importantly, what I was not looking for:

• she needed an actual written profile that told me more about her
• she couldn’t have any of her photos draped with a filter that made her sparkle or have butterflies floating around her
• if she demanded that her potential mate “have her shit together”, I walked away (we’re all works in progress!)
• if she was happily married, but bicurious and looking to play, it was a quick left swipe
• if none of her photos showed her face, or if all of her photos were of the same duck-lipped pose, it was a big NOPE from me

The main thing I absolutely love about a dating app, is that it’s extremely helpful in introducing me to women who want to be with women. Finding those females in person has always proven to be a challenge for me. So, for that, I’m grateful.

I started some small talk, which progressed to stress-free chatting. It was actually really nice. Going on a first date was something that I looked forward to. I can happily report, it’s now a memory I made.

And, no, if you’re wondering. I’m not about to kiss and tell. It’s a pandemic, folks. There was no kissing! 😉