In the past few months, I’ve ordered takeout a number of times. Even though I enjoy cooking, some days it’s the last thing I want to do. With COVID still raging on, I don’t feel comfortable dining inside. My go-to for to-go food has been Dunedin Vegan Deli, my city’s first (and only, so far) 100% vegan restaurant. But, these meals were just for me, and my memory has a second requirement: I’d have to eat dinner at a friend’s place.
I’ve actually completed this memory twice. The first time, though, where I picked up huge portions of Italian food from Ground Foods Cafe, wasn’t documented in photos. #PicsOrItDidntHappen, right? I was better the next time around, and had my camera at the ready before digging into some tasty Indian food.
The friend I ate dinner with was Ligeia. It had been just over 4 months since we separated, and we’ve been slowly testing the waters of friendship. We’re both working on discovering who we are, and who we want to be, as individuals. After so long in co-dependency, finding our independence is an adventure for both of us.
It was nice to hang out with her again, reminiscing about memories and jokes from the past 16 years that only we know. It was nice to eat a vegan meal, where the food being vegan wasn’t the main point of conversation. It was nice to be to social, after spending so much of my time lately in solitude.
But, at the same time, it was also emotionally challenging to be there, in my old home. I remember house shopping, and falling in love with the place as soon as we walked inside the first time we saw it. I remember enjoying evenings, still in this calendar year, but seemingly a lifetime ago, sitting around the fire pit roasting marshmallows and making s’mores. I had so many dreams of a future in that house that will no longer happen. And that’s a truth I’ve come to accept, but it’s still sad when I’m reminded about it.
It’s all part of the grieving process. As long as I continue to ride the waves of my emotions when they roll in, rather than suppressing them, each day will become easier. I’m healing. I see that, and it’s such a relief.
And with a deep breath, I close my eyes, and start pondering what take-out I’ll get next.