My Memory List

Getting my heart broken.

Ok, first off, let me clarify something. This was not a memory I wanted. I didn’t intentionally add this to my Memory List. This memory sucks. But as of today, it’s a memory that I have. I consider it a shitty, bonus memory.

Last year, writing on this blog was cathartic for me. I used the list of desired memories as my North Star, to keep me trudging through my seemingly unbearable sadness. Lately, my posts have been more of a diary of fun things that I managed to accomplish. Heck! I even told my mom that they felt a bit shallow.

Well, the universe has thrown me back into the deep end of my feelings. I had forgotten how hard it is to tread water and stay afloat.

Picking blueberries and making pancakes with them.

Oh, blueberries. The thought of them conjures up memories of picking them at my family’s cottage in Ontario. They grow wild there, close to the rocky shores of the lake and along the 1.6 km dirt road from the county highway. In my mind, they’ve always been a late summer fruit, because they’re ripe in August up there.

Now that I’m in Florida, though, I’ve had to force my brain to think of blueberry season as much, much earlier. By early April, these tiny, bluish-purple orbs of sweetness are starting to ripen, and I learned that they’re in season for 4-6 weeks. So, there’s still time for me to go back and pick some more!

Renting a winter cabin with friends in the Blue Ridge mountains.

I added this memory last year after getting a taste of the beautiful scenery of the Blue Ridge mountains when I played at a softball tournament in Tennessee. When I compiled my original Memory List, renting a cabin in this area easily found its way onto it.

With all the precautions last year, however, this memory didn’t come to fruition in 2020. I certainly didn’t want to let another year go by without having this experience, and luckily, I have friends willing and excited to make the trip with me.

Learning how to tie a tie.

In my life, I had only ever owned a single tie before this year. It was a special giveaway tie from the Toronto Blue Jays at a Father’s Day game years back. They were giving them out to all the male fans. So, um, yeah. I got one.

With the new suit I got tailored, my Blue Jays tie wouldnt be classy enough, so I ordered a couple online that would go with my shirts. I was hopeful that I’d be able to teach myself how to tie them when I saw the instructional diagram on the box. That is, until I tried to follow the steps.

Getting vaccinated against COVID-19.

I hadn’t necessarily been in a rush to get vaccinated against COVID-19, but I just wanted the peace of mind of having it done. Obviously, I wanted to make sure that those at highest risk got their shot before me.

In Florida, vaccination sites are abundant, thankfully. Many pharmacies are offering them, and at the end of the day, any unused doses are thrown out, and the thought of such life-saving serums being trashed absolutely sucks! Last week, I had been calling pharmacies in a 15-minute radius of me to see if they had any leftover doses, but all were accounted for.

Demand for those at risk and frontline workers have decreased recently, and to ensure the supply is not wasted, some counties are lowering the minimum age to 40. I hear rumblings that statewide, eligibility to those 40+ in Florida is on the near horizon, which is fantastic news. Yesterday, though, I caught wind of a mobile, pop-up clinic in Tampa that had 500 doses and was vaccinating anyone waiting in line. They didn’t want to waste any doses. Should I drive the 40 minutes to try?

Getting a hole-in-one while mini golfing.

When it was time to add items to my Memory List for this year, I distinctly remember adding this one. It was one that made me smile, because it was one that my inner child was happy about.

Some memories are on the list because the adult in me wants to have them accomplished. Some of them are specifically catered towards making Little Mindy laugh. And playing mini golf was always an enjoyable activity as a kid.

Going to a Blue Jays Spring Training game.

This memory is a carry over from last year’s list. Spring Training, which is something I look forward to every March, was cancelled in 2020 due to the pandemic. The fact that my beloved Toronto Blue Jays play in Dunedin, Florida, the city where I live, makes me unbelievably happy. Heck! Their player development complex is literally right behind where I live!

In the 6 years I’ve lived in Florida since returning from Thailand, I’ve attended a Blue Jays game during Spring Training each year they played. This year, watching them in their newly renovated stadium felt different. It was more significant.

Making a new friend.

Looking at the last half of 2020, one of the thoughts that consistently crosses my mind is how unbelievably lonely I was. Deciding to leave my marriage – and my best friend – and coupled with a political season that led to a loss of friendships, I spent the majority of the pandemic alone.

And I get that being alone doesn’t necessarily mean that one is lonely, but it was sure the case for me. I discovered that I had never really gotten to know myself, much less learned how to enjoy my time with me. If you’ve been following along on my journey, this is how my Memory List got started. Taking my sabbatical in the midst of a pandemic put the get-to-know-Mindy mission into a pressure cooker. And it worked. Or, as a friend rightly pointed out, I put in a lot of effort and trudged through some really challenging times, and found myself.

Going skydiving.

Of all the items on my Memory List, this one was, hands-down, the most anxiety inducing. I’m extremely grateful that I don’t battle anxiety often; it’s a very rare occurrence that it comes to hang out with me. But in the four days between booking the adventure and actually making the jump, my Fitbit informed me of a 10% increase in my resting heart rate. I found it near impossible to concentrate on things. My sleep was broken and in short increments.

My body was not happy to be going skydiving. Why the heck was I doing it???

Going on a first date.

This item on my Memory List is one that I added after being nudged to do so by a friend. For the vast majority of time since I left my marriage last June, dating had been the farthest thing from my mind. I was comfortable staying in my own little bubble, and leaning heavily on the fact that I was taking the necessary time for myself to get to know myself better. I convinced myself I wasn’t ready to get back out there.

To be honest, I felt quite cynical about relationships. I worked hard at my marriage, but it wasn’t enough. I was terrified of falling right back into my destructive patterns, subconsciously or not, and being right back in a position I didn’t want to be in.